I'm Sorry

 I saw you again today after what felt like forever.
i was so happy, i can't seem to find fancy words to describe
the feeling,
so surreal,
i could say for an instance, but
it would not do it justice.
There was this part of me that adores you so much, you are its other half, my sister from another mother my pea in the pod, and when i saw you just like the good ol days, my heart was so full and warm and there was this part of me, the darker, duller piece so full of anger and pain. so hurt by feeling abandoned by you breaking in silence for your shoulder that was not there when my head felt heavier than my heart, the part holding a grudge against something that is not even your fault. this piece of me is always at war with the half of me that loves you so unconditionally, so proud of you.
i look at you now, so bright, so happy and just so full of life, i know you have your days too, but the light in your eyes, its still there, i see it shine so bright. it almost blinds me.
maybe im not angry at you, i think im just scared so terrified that if you let me rest my heavey head on your delicate shoulders, im afraid of it.
i would never forgive myself for darkening your glowing eyes. ive noticed it too you know, you seem happier than before, before you got cut off from me for this chunk of time, which felt like eternity.
Or maybe  my mind is lying to me as always, maybe you were secretly honing your skills too, the subtle art of pretending
pretending to be someone you are not, pretending to be happy when melancholy is silently eating away at your heart too.
I know that feeling a little too well.
i trust you, i really do, but this irrational fear is painfully feeding on my crumbling sanity. i know people outgrow eachother often and its never the others fault, it is natural, it is human.
But, you have to forgive me, because i have seen so many monsters masking themselves as miracles, but ive also known angels who have been nothing but kind.
You see the problem, i can never decide untill its too late, always weighing decsions, but never for the life of me was i able to trust myself with me.
Ive just dissappointed myself so much, at this point it, it doesnt even come as a surprise.

but my point is,
im sorry
im sorry for keeping you in the dark, and im also sorry for enlightening you, for burdeining you.

you see i still havent decided what im sorry for, yet

im sorry.

Now, all it needs is proper punctuation and breaks, brb-

I saw you again today after what felt like forever.
i was so happy, i can't seem to find fancy words to describe
the feeling,
so surreal,
i could say for an instance, but
it would not do it justice.

There was this part of me that adores you so much, you are its other half, my sister from another mother my pea in the pod, and when i saw you just like the good ol days, my heart was so full and warm and there was this part of me, the darker, duller piece so full of anger and pain.

so hurt by feeling abandoned by you
breaking in silence for your shoulder that was not there
when my head felt heavier than my heart,
the part holding a grudge against something that is not even your fault.

this piece of me is always at war with the half of me that loves you so unconditionally, so proud of you.

i look at you now,
so bright,
so happy
and just so full of life,

i know you have your days too,
but the light in your eyes,
its still there,
i see it shine so bright.
it almost blinds me.

maybe im not angry at you,
i think im just scared
so terrified that if you let me rest my heavey head on your delicate shoulders, im afraid of it.

i would never forgive myself
for darkening your glowing eyes.

ive noticed it too you know,
you seem happier than before,
before you got cut off from me for this chunk of time,
which felt like eternity.

Or maybe my mind is lying to me as always,
maybe you were secretly honing your skills too,
the subtle art of pretending

pretending to be someone you are not,
pretending to be happy when melancholy is silently eating away at your heart too.

I know that feeling a little too well.

i trust you,
i really do,
but this irrational fear is painfully feeding on my crumbling sanity.

i know people outgrow eachother often
and its never the others fault,
it is natural,
it is human.

But, you have to forgive me,
because i have seen so many monsters masking themselves as miracles,
but ive also known angels who have been nothing but kind.

You see the problem,
i can never decide untill its too late,
always weighing decsions,
but never for the life of me was i able to trust myself with me.

Ive just dissappointed myself so much,
at this point it,
it doesnt even come as a surprise.

but my point is,
im sorry

im sorry for keeping you in the dark,
and im also sorry for enlightening you,
for burdeining you.

you see i still havent decided what im sorry for, yet

im sorry.